Short Story - Honesty is a policy

It hasn't always bothered me.  It just seemed to be there.  It is as ubiquitous as the air we breathe.  But no matter how much I try, this feeling drapes over me.  Curious, I try to open it up and have a look.  Always gone, it seems.  It appears I have got to a point where I am confused, not knowing the route, looking back to where I have gone wrong.  But the feeling remains.  It is not as if I should run and hide.  It is not as if I should stand up on the highest podium, singing aloud for all members of society to hear.  It is as if I should be.

Well I suppose you could call it an awakening, where everything moves and talks differently.  People engage in conversation and cars flow up and down the highway.

It used to bother me.  Perhaps I should not have cared so much to be different.  To be a teenage rebel is to stray from the norm, make war with a complacent life and listen to alternative pop instead of pop pop.  But what happens when you realise - I was wrong.  I have been wrong.  I will always be wrong.  All because of one thing - there is no right.  I can never be right, because there is no right, there is only wrong.  So far, that means, I have done right.

Now I can sit and smile.  All the years I was a rebel, I was the same.  I merely acted out a role in a different group.  After shunning all that I once thought was life, I realised something.

Before I get into that, I forgot what else used to bother me.  I was so scared of being nobody.  Job, partner, kids - never on my list of priorities.  I scorned and joked about those who chose that path.  But now I see that this is a perfect life - for some.  For others, like myself, who choose not to be a part of this will lead a richer life.  You don't have to lead or scorn a life - be prepared in knowledge that others live like this and crave nothing else but security.  From a young age a purpose in life is set, as plaster is poured into a mould.  

I realised that I took a step back.  Yes, I just admitted that I took a step back.  Now that is being a rebel!  No fancy commodification can lure me, that is in the future, in front. No embarrassment can fill me, the screen is in the past, behind.  So do not just mock and scorn.  If these are your enemies, take from them everything.  Use what you need, throw the rest away to rot behind, burning in magma.  The rest strengthens your sight to forge new paths ahead.  Hammer, sickle, compass and square are no good here - only a smile, pen, book and the wind through your hair.

From my new position I can see what is in front of me.  

I can hold the hands of people beside me.  

I can be closer to the shaping elements behind me.  

I can be me.  

This is not too simple a task, do not underestimate the power of being a manifested living human flesh machine.  You always have to be in a societal group, you cannot hang around your parents/siblings and you must be a success in every career path you choose.  Sound familiar?  To me it sounds primitive.  Get angry, bash someone.  Rebel by being the same as other people.  Partner leaves, get depressed.  Numbers in a bank account equate to success.  Heroes are actors.  Now this constitutes primitive behaviour to me.  

Now I am doing what many find impossible - I am floating between societal groups.  I latch onto nothing.  I fly over the top, viewing from above the beauty within.  One day here, one day there, swooping in, crawling out.  I belong nowhere.  I belong nowhere!  I am free to do anything.  Not because I have nothing - but because I have everything.