Out of tune

and then it occurred to me...
a man by the name of space-rocketeer 3628 appeared to me in a dream the other night and explained the basis of time travel.

Upon awaking, I was hoping that it involved urinating all over my bed because I had an extreme urge to piss. Unfortunately it wasn't, and I had to walk 6m to the toilet.

and I forgot, of course.

Until tonight.

space-rocketeer 3628 had been simple, plain and concise: Use compact discs.

cd's

that was the secret.

apparently, if man had have used his nouse when developing cd's, the same principal could have been applied to time. that principle is:

1. a cd has a beginning and an end (not so good)

2. along this cd, a "laser" can read specific moments in time and replay them (thats ok)

3. if a perfect sequence of ff and rew are used, the beginning nor the end of a cd can be found, played or stopped (it gets better!!!)

4. instead of developing lasers to read metallic grooves, man had to spend merely another 568 years to develop the "first" time machine. This machine would use a force (human, not laser) to read an object (the universe, not metallic grooves). Simple. The time needed is in respect to human needs to do other things in life such as reproduce, drink intoxicating beverages and start wars where millions die a horrible death. The result - there is no beginning and there is no end. A human (like you and me) can jump between anywhere on the disc (universe).

5. Rewind too far, you will not die (sort of bad). You will end up near the end.

6. The technology takes a lot longer than 568 years now that we cocked up our first chance

space-rocketeer 3628 explained this in great detail. I merely sighed.

"whats up?" said a confused space-rocketeer 3628

"i suppose it is up to me to learn from my cds"

"is that so bad?"

"no" i said, matter of factly. "its good"

"then why the long face?"

"i want it now, not in 568 years"

"then blame the impatient dude that cocked it up for everyone"

that dude had the opportunity. space-rocketeer 3628 filled me in, he has been there and seen the original events unfold. A man named kees was a scientist, obviously intrigued by space and time travel. upon learning of a new system of applying his compact disc formula to time and space, he became frightened, thinking god would not let him into heaven.

at this time there was a knock at his door. he felt like he had just come out of a 5 day drug binge. he was small and scared. somehow, he answered the door.

"Mr kees?"

kees stared

i represent the sorny corporation. we hear you have a method of storage developed which is perfect for video and sound...

the rest is history. unfortunately, god got the better of kees. but not of space-rocketeer 3628. and certainly not of me.